I like the imagery in this one. Very nice.

--
I'd rather know I was crazy than think I was sane.

~Member of the 3eyes [link] club! Inanely Inspired Insanity~

thanksgiving for the bounties
of the Earth, appreciation
for what is free to everyone
if they would only see and understand

this is beautiful
i heard a voice as i read it
it might have been my own, or yours

that is my critique

pip

--
the worth of beauty is in the heart
of the observer, tallied by the
intensity of the tendency to weep.
[as in - "you are so beautiful to me"]
llp - nov'09

thank you for your critique. I like what you said, it was very beautiful.

my poem is sinister. it lacks the beauty of what you said, I think.

I hope it was your voice that was talking, then I managed to step out beyond myself and make something someone else could reflect on. I hope I did.

thank you again.

--
Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

thank you sir. I appreciate it.

--
Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

Ghrey,

in a poem as descriptive as yours
the reader cannot know the motive
of the poet, unless it is stated.

whether or not to state it, i suppose,
would depend upon the importance of the
message in the writer's mind.

i saw more beauty than you intended...
serendipity or does the muse intervene?

how thankful i am for finding dA...

pip

--
the worth of beauty is in the heart
of the observer, tallied by the
intensity of the tendency to weep.
[as in - "you are so beautiful to me"]
llp - nov'09

'If I eat you, will you go away?'
Nope, I won't.

I think you've been playing Human-Age ([link]) again. Granted, a rather evolved caveman/early farmer that somehow got access to dA....come to think of it, that's just like this other mysterious case with Emily Dickinson....

Okay, so. Let's talk shop. In the beginning, the narrator is querying a plant for the meaning of it all and the history of it all, looking to the plant as something very valuable for its power and wisdom. By the end our protagonist (or antagonist, as it were) has chosen instead to be the master over the plant instead of the disciple. It's really reflective of our modern relationship with the flora and fauna of our planet, and how we destroy it to sustain ourselves, but I feel like this portrayal is a bit brutish and simplified.

Specifically, "bow to the force, / there will be more." sounds like a serial killer who explains to you, "I must kill you because I can. And there are more of you I can kill. So I will." It may indeed be a large part of the truth that the narrator and his tribe are seeing a new territory to conquer so they might live, but we are presented with the blunt end of the story: a seemingly heartless, godless soul bent on destruction, and getting his fill without any retaliation or remorse. I want a little more insight from this.

And I'm still scared of the write a crit button.

Anytime.

--
I'd rather know I was crazy than think I was sane.

~Member of the 3eyes [link] club! Inanely Inspired Insanity~

I don't want you to go away, unless you abuse me and tease me and throw me out on the ground, which I hope will never come to pass.

this is the first I've seen of human-age.

Shop:
I think that's a very interesting interpretation you have there, that the N is asking for the meaning of it all and history. that knowledge is far more greater than the ability to pull a people to stop and give them the desire for language, though. what lines led you to that? I need to make my meaning clearer if it's not presenting well.

How is the portrayal a bit brutish and simplified? If you feel it needs to be more complicated let me know how it needs to be done or in what ways you think it could be improved.
I know he may sound like a serial killer, but in all honesty, that is what has happened. A force of appeasement has been created that won't be stopped.
I also find it really interesting that you think the tribe will expand to a new territory to conquer to live; I just simply see the future of sacrifice extending onward from the point of the need for dominance over life.

If all we see is a heartless, godless soul bent on destruction and getting his fill without retaliation or remorse, and that there is a lack of insight there, how can I improve the insight?
I really want to know.

it distresses me that there are all these distasteful problems without hope for healing. it really does.
if you want to write a constructive criticism, please do by all means. Let me know how I can improve this: I sincerely hope to rework this in a way that will satisfy you.

My general interpretation of this is simply the invention of a sacrificial religion to counteract the loss of freedom from nomadic wanderings.

In all honesty I do appreciate your words. Just help me out, ok?

--
Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

There is never no hope for healing! I didn't mean to smack you with a paddle, then leave you in your own creek without it, ghrey! I think I wanted to know how far off base my basic interpretation was so I could pinpoint any areas where I misunderstood or ascribed a meaning that wasn't there.

What I missed at first (even though it's pretty explicitly stated now that I re-reread) was that they have basically stopped their wandering, and that is the source of friction for the narrator. When I read it before, the angry tone seemed to be for no reason. Basically, I passed by "stopped" and "planted" and "paused" in the beginning and it made all the difference. I think I deemed lines 3 and 4 pretty but not essential, because then it switched to talking about language. It also didn't seem out of the ordinary for there to be lean-tos, because I do not know that they did not make lean-tos even when they did wander...

As for the plant: "Tell me little plant...how you stopped us in place" and "Tell me little plant what your plans are for our men" and "how must you control us to control yourself?" establish the plant as a wise entity able to anticipate the actions of men, and the narrator asks of it, "what made us yearn to talk and listen..." which, if intended as a question, is where my idea of the "meaning of life" stuff came from. However, I didn't notice that there is no question mark at the end of that thought, and that first "what" might just be stylistic and synonymous with "that" or "which".

Actually, those were two fairly small things I missed or misread that changed the whole idea I got from this.